Paying Honor to Jim Sanders - For Me Light, in a Dark Place

It's been a few years since I met the last person I have managed to keep as what I would call a friend, if that gives some indication of the small circle of folks who will tolerate me. Jim was in that tiny ring. I met James W Sanders in 2002 in Fayetteville, NC. He would have celebrated his birthday last Wednesday had he not died last November, on the 5th, at age 80. His birthday has me thinking about him. I believe he was good for the world. I know he was good for me.

Jim was intelligent and witty. When with him I laughed a lot, and heartily. Something like that means a lot to a melancholy someone like me.

Jim had means but lived simply, in a mobile home in tiny Erwin, NC, just north of Fayetteville. He loved his children - one daughter and one son; and loved his granddaughter also. He spoke of them regularly with a kind of healthy and humble thankfulness.

Jim read the Scriptures and prayed every day, and participated weekly in our church's Sunday gatherings. And he asked me a lot of questions, especially about the Trinity. He wanted to understand. I don't believe that's common in today's American and southern church. He also participated in a men's study group I hosted in my home. In my experience, that too is rare for a southern Baptist in his 70's. But like I said, Jim wanted to understand. He was teachable even in old age, and even by a young punk, like me.

Jim was a smart-ass in the best sense of the word, like Jesus in His cutting sarcasm. I loved that about him. He did not fear the faces of men.

Following my leaving Fayetteville, Jim and me kept in touch by phone. And I occasionally sent him pictures of my children since they didn't exist when Jim and me lived near one another. He was interested in how they were growing and getting along. And when we talked he always asked about my wife and my work. And he always pressed me to keep him in my prayers. Maybe better than most of us he recognized his dependent status.

This poor tribute certainly does not do justice to Jim or to what he has meant to me. But I offer it nonetheless. Maybe he'll hear about it, in heaven. 

What Will We Say?

"If I was a liar, I'd have a few more friends." 

Kasey Chambers, from her song More Than Ordinary, from her album Wayward Angel

The Untamed Bill Poore - Paying Honor to Whom Honor is Due

My friend Bill is dead, and forever alive. He's finally face to face with the One he so loved to learn of (Mt 11:29). I used to sit with Bill in his den and sip homemade scuffydine wine and talk about God and His Word and His people. Now Bill drinks with Jesus, (or will after receiving his new body - 1 Co 15; Mt 26:29, etc), which is far better for him. The thought is surreal. And today I resurrect this blog to pay honor to whom honor is due (Ro 13:7).

I loved Bill because, frankly, Bill loved me. He seemed to understand me more than most. We were two like souls. I met Bill because, while in seminary, my friend Dwight, who was a member of the church Bill shepherded, said to me that I should attend one of the church's gatherings. The reason Dwight gave for why I would enjoy myself in the gathering was that his pastor, Bill, was me at age 50 (I was in my mid 20's at the time). An older version of me -- this I had to see.

I immediately liked Bill's preaching (It was much better than my own). He clearly wasn't out to win friends, but at the same time he definitely cared for people, cared that they know the real Jesus, the one revealed in the Bible who in turn reveals His Father and gives His Holy Spirit. Bill, perhaps more than anyone I've known, loved to study God's Word. He was a gifted preacher with a terribly small audience. He was not the sort to be invited to address larger crowds. He was much too uncontrollable for that. Bill was not a tame man. And rarely are men untamed by the denomination considered assets by it.

Bill was the most comical person I've ever known. No one could make me laugh more deeply, or more happily, than Bill Poore. He had an unusual and intelligent wit, and observant sarcasm, that I can't help but admire.

Few folks near to me emotionally have died. Bill is the most near. I am sad over his going, because he was my friend, and because he was so good for the world.

Brother Bill, if you can read this from where you are, many deep thanks for your kindness to me. Your influence lingers.

Friendship: It Flows from the Humble

Several weeks back I was asked to consider blogging my thoughts on friendship, specifically, "What do you think is the essence of 'friendship'? Why do you think some people end up being better friends than others? Do Christians have to be good friends with each other? How might you counsel a believer who often feels 'lonely,' acknowledged by many but pursed by none?"

I've gone over these things on "friendship" in my head (which is the way to go over things). And if I were to write those thoughts it would be a blog longer than perhaps anyone is willing to read. Therefore, I want to say a little something instead ("little"is relative), for whatever it's worth.

Jesus says great love is the love in the hearts of those who lay down their lives for their friends (Jn 15:13). In saying this, Jesus speaks more about love than friendship. But He does imply that being the best kind of friend entails sacrifice. Then the Apostles Paul and John write of laying down our possessions for friends (2 Co 8-9; 1 Jn 3). Actually, they speak of doing this for any Christian. So certainly we must do it for our Christian friends. And while Jesus is our ultimate example of friendship, we do see it modeled, though to a lesser degree, in others, like Jonathan and David, in 1 Samuel 18-20. Jesus connects friendship with love and then with sacrifice (Jn 15:1-17), as does the account in 1 Samuel. So in answer to my friend's question on the essence of friendship, I would start there, with love evidenced by sacrifice. This is basic; "For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son. . ." (Jn 3:16), to make us His "friends" (Jn 15:1-17).

If we take the above as foundational to friendship, then the other questions can be answered rather easily, at least at the beginning. So yes, Christians do have to be good friends with each other because Christians must love each other. Some of those relationships will be more enjoyable than others because some folks are just more likable than others, more pleasant, easier to be with. And I think there are other factors like common interests, personality types, and simply how someone makes us feel when we're with them. From reading the Gospels, it appears that Jesus, in His humanity, was "closer" to some of His disciples than others.

My friend's final question caught my attention because of the way it describes the lonely as "acknowledged by many but pursued by none." My opinion is that this is precisely where so many of us live, wrongly. We acknowledge but do not pursue. Perhaps the most ignored commandment in the Bible is from Philippians 2:3-5, "Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others. Have this mind in yourselves. . ." Who does this with any consistency? Answer: only the humble. Love evidenced in sacrifice flows from humility. Humility means counting others more significant than ourselves and looking to their interests. This is the pinnacle of friendship.

I believe that many Christians hear Philippians 2:3-5 and wrongfully reckon that it can't be done; the Apostle asks too much. He asks us to assume the mentality and humility of Jesus, who (if you continue in the chapter), though He is God, laid down His divine rights and privileges and not only condescended to become a creature, but a servant, and then a crucified sacrifice. This is friendship -- humility driven sacrifice rooted in love that puts the significance and interests of others above our own. So instead of reading Philippians 2 as if it contained fantasy commands, we should ask God to make us like His Son -- good for and useful to our friends. Next, we should consider those friends by making a list of their needs and then go about meeting them, sacrificially and abundantly, like Jesus met our greatest need. And if we can't meet them ourselves, let's find someone who can.

We must learn to stop, and to get quiet, and to put ourselves into the situations of our friends so that we can begin to feel the weight of their burdens and the extent of their needs. And then, instead of only praying for them, let us lay down our possessions, our time, and our help, at their feet, for Jesus' sake. In other words, let's love on them in ways that matter.

Consider, if you have a friend who is going thorough marital and/or parental hardship, what do they need? What if their beloved pet has died? What if they're enduring sickness? What if they're children with absentee parents? What if they're injured? What if they hate their job? What if they've lost their job -- what do they need? What if their vehicle has broken down?; their parent has died?; they're moving to a new place?; they're being deployed?; they're changing vocations?; they're depressed?; they're lonely?; they're poor? Think, and pray; and then do something, friend.

The call of this post is for more deliberate, and less casual, and distinctly Christian, friendship.

"Heavenly Father, may we get over ourselves, and become a blessing." Jesus will smile.

Little children, let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth.

1 Jn 3:18