Strive.

"Grace is not opposed to effort, but to earning." 

Dallas Willard 

Strive to enter through the narrow door; 
for many, I tell you, will seek to enter and will not be able.
Lk 13:24 

The Perfect Parent Is Unfair, and Generous

It is popular for parents to strive to be "fair" in relationship to how they distribute gifts to their children; "fair" meaning that each child receives an equal measure of the wealth distributed. This is the case whether we are talking about a weekly allowance for completion of chores, the distribution of Christmas gifts, the division of an inheritance, etc. And in my experience, it is common for parents to speak of this impartial practice with a measure of pride, as if such like disbursement is a great virtue and even proves their unbiased paternal love. I want to briefly argue that such practices are not just faulty, but ungodly. The Bible tells us so. And to further make His point, God granted me a living illustration recently, which of course is not authoritative like the Bible, but is helpful for me.

First of all, and most clearly, God, in this life and the next, does not give the same wealth of gifts to all of His children. He does not treat us all the same in this regard. (There are many Bible texts that teach this, and too, you can just look around.) Father God is not "fair," but grossly unfair, biased, and partial, but not because He loves one over the other, but because He is altogether wise. Some children simply should not have certain things, while other children should. And for the sake of brevity I am not going into all the reasons why this is so. Furthermore, I don't know all the reasons. But for this post suffice it to say that God in His complete and eternal love and wisdom does what is best for each of us. And in a very humanistic and un-Christian way of thinking, that's not fair.

Having said that, I will offer two reasons that some of God's children receive particular blessings while others do not. They are given in James 4:2-3 where the Bible tells us that there are Christians who go without for the simple reason that they have not asked God for what they desire, or they are asking, but with corrupt motives. In this context, the corruption has everything to do with selfishness. In this regard, prayer plays a vital role in how God treats us.

A few days back my son Joah received several gifts through the mail, gifts I had purchased for him. I was curious to see how my daughter Tess would react as we all sat on the living room floor and opened the boxes. I was happy to see that she was happy for him, and didn't display jealously or any other feelings of a sense of injustice. She didn't even ask why her brother was receiving the items. But if she had asked me, I would have answered that the gifts were being given to Joah because he had asked for them. It's that simple. I love my son. He wants a thing. As far as I can tell, the thing will be good for him. I have the ability to give it to him. So I grant his request. Not complicated. God Himself is like this (You should read Mt 7:7-11).

Don't misunderstand, I give gifts to my daughter as well. I love her too. More often than not I give  gifts for which my children have not asked, because it's in my heart to do so. But when I know they want a particular item or experience or opportunity, because they have expressed their desire by asking, I work to fulfill that request. Or, I say "no" to them, as God will sometimes do. But my disposition as a loving father is to say "yes" to my children. My bent is to bless them, not deny them.

May the Perfect Parent grant us the wisdom and discernment required to be generous, and unfair.

The Mystery of Imitation - We Reproduce What We Are

"Be imitators of God, as beloved children."

Ep 5:1

There is an exceptionally powerful and mysterious link between knowing you are loved and becoming like the one loving you. This is most clearly seen in the parent - child relationship, and it has nothing to do with a shared DNA. It has to do with the way God has made the world, and the way He has wired the family for covenant. For our children's sake, let's not be ignorant of this beautiful reality. It is in the parent - child bond that children first learn, and these lessons are the foundation laid for how they will understand every other relationship they have in this life, including the one they have with God. Our children are students of us. God has made it so. May He grant us  the grace to teach and model well (Ep 6:4).

As I am writing this, my son Joah, who is 3, just came over to me and said, "Daddy, do you know I love you?" God is teaching me even in these very moments of contemplation. He is validating what is written here, I think. My dearly loved son loves me. And he desperately wants to be like me, because he is proud of me, for reasons I don't fully comprehend. I am reminded of a few ways he makes this known, as the pictures below will show.

Joah arranged the floss, his next to mine.

Joah arranged these too.

Joah wanted his grill next to my grill. . .

And his mower, and shoes, next to my mower and shoes.

Parents often wonder how it is, when their children disappoint them, that the children could behave in such a wrong way. The answer to that question is not always simple. But I think it normally has something to do with us, the parents. And perhaps it's often true that the failure is not in what we have done, but in what we haven't done. We haven't modeled and taught biblical godliness. Instead, we've modeled and taught morality, worldly success, and culturally acceptable behaviors. So we raise children that believe that God exists for them, and that He is most interested in their comfort and happiness instead of their character and holiness; He's a therapist then, and not a King. We raise legalists who relate to God by keeping rules as if those rules are arbitrary and not reflective of a Person who loves them.

It is certain that their mowers and grills are not the only things our children are lining up next to ours. Yes, their ways of thinking, believing, behaving, and relating are there also. Because day by day, we are reproducing what we are. May God help us.

Jesus Did Not Come To Be Useful

I recently heard philosopher/theologian R.C. Sproul comment that of the major philosophies, the only American-born one is pragmatism. So I got to thinking about that, and how pragmatism dominates so many churches. Pragmatists are more concerned with "what works" than with "what's true." And when I say "what works", I mean "works" as the pragmatist defines it. They want to know if a thing is useful, not good. This is terribly short-sighted.

So for any pragmatist who may stumble across this blog, allow me for a moment to put aside my desire to debate and persuade and instead to simply proclaim that Jesus did not come to be useful. He came to save, and to reign, in and over you. It's Jesus that works.

So Jesus said to them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of his own accord, but only what he sees the Father doing. For whatever the Father does, that the Son does likewise. For the Father loves the Son and shows him all that he himself is doing. And greater works than these will he show him, so that you may marvel. For as the Father raises the dead and gives them life, so also the Son gives life to whom he will. The Father judges no one, but has given all judgment to the Son, that all may honor the Son, just as they honor the Father who sent him. Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life."

John 5:19-24

The Flavor of Meats and the Sweetness of Odors

"We cannot even avoid those matters which serve our pleasures rather than our needs. But that we may use them with a pure conscience, we should observe moderation, whether we mean the one, or the other. . .The flavor of meats, and the sweetness of odors, makes some people so stupid that they have no longer any appetite for spiritual things. . .We should zealously beware that anything the Lord gave us to enrich life become a stumbling block. . .For while all such things are given to us by divine kindness, and are meant to be for our benefit, they are at the same time like deposits entrusted to our care, and of these we shall have to give an account some day." -- Excerpts from John Calvin's "Golden Booklet of the True Christian Life", Chapter 5.

My Son of the Covenant

God said further to Abraham, “Now as for you, 

you shall keep My covenant, you and your descendants after you throughout their generations.

Ge 17:9

Various and Severe Lessons of Misery

"In one word, the whole soul, wrapped up in carnal delights, seeks its happiness on this earth. To counteract this, the Lord by various and severe lessons of misery, teaches His children the vanity of the present life. . .But, if it is necessary for us to be taught by God, it certainly is also our duty to listen to Him when He speaks, and arouses us from our sluggishness, that we may turn our backs upon this world, and try to meditate with all our heart on the life to come. . .For the Lord ordained that those who are to be crowned in heaven, should first fight the good fight on earth, that they may not celebrate their triumph without actually having overcome the difficulties of warfare, and having gained the victory." -- Excerpts from John Calvin's "Golden Booklet of the True Christian Life", Chapter 4.